It's great to have you as part of my blog community.
Please complete the form below, and feel free to send me your suggestions and comments.
I'll be sure to reply.
In a world filled with unrest and uncertainty, who needs unnecessary anxiety? What is it anyway?
Unnecessary anxiety is the anxiety we create unnecessarily for ourselves. We do it habitually, without being aware that we are doing it. We do things like worry, obsess, judge ourselves harshly, and spend an excessive amount of time in our heads instead of living life.
How do we begin the work of becoming free from unnecessary anxiety? We start by taking a challenging look at its origins.
First, a personal question: do you find yourself not liking you? It’s okay to be honest. Turns out, not liking yourself is a very frequent emotional complaint. It’s the prime source of unnecessary anxiety.
Another question: how do you describe yourself? Take a moment. It’s important to examine your answer. We all have an ongoing internal dialogue, so I want you to discover how you talk to you. You may find you would not live with anyone who would talk to you the way you talk to you!
We need to realize that this activity of disparaging ourselves generates anxiety and emotional dissatisfaction. Surprisingly, people who are otherwise quite accomplished in life often disparage themselves privately. This is the origin of unnecessary anxiety.
Our mistaken tendency to be self-centered
We all have the mistaken tendency to make ourselves the center of what’s happening. We believe we should be able to control our lives and manage events. We believe our awareness comes from inside us—from our brains, neurons, and hearts. We believe what we experience is what is “real.”
Believing all this, however, is a mistake. After all, the least reliable form of scientific evidence is eyewitness testimony, but we insist on using it as the primary basis for how we understand ourselves.
We are fundamentally social beings, always in social settings. Nevertheless, we experience ourselves as distinct and separate from others. For example, imagine you’re in a long line at the post office. The clerk seems to be going ever so slowly. Suddenly, you say to yourself, “He’s making me late!” But you don’t consider or care about the others in line with you, much less what the clerk is confronting. He’s making you late!
This self-centered way of experiencing life unnecessarily separates and alienates you from others, producing unnecessary anxiety. It sets you up to believe that what is affecting you is what’s most important.
In my example, the complexity of life just happened to put a bunch of people in line that day — not just you. The fact that the post office was understaffed, that you didn’t anticipate waiting, and the clerk was overworked had no bearing on your story. Your distorted story, with you at the center of the narrative—he’s making me late!—becomes what really happened.
We are a story-making species. We construct stories about what’s happening and usually store them privately. We experience the moments of life through the lens of our narrative. Unfortunately, our stories are often significantly distorted.
We believe we know ourselves best; we don’t
Think of the way you describe you to you. You accept these descriptions as who you are. Psychologists call this “self-concept” or “identity.” You believe your identity is fixed, permanent. You’ve heard people say, “This is just how I am. I’ve always been this way.” Privately, they want to change, but can’t conceive of being or experiencing life differently.
To be clear: our identities are not fixed. We can change how we are. Besides, if you ask the people closest to you, quite often they will differ with how you describe yourself. So, whose description is more valid? Well, the answer is a measure of your willingness to transform, your disposition to grow and develop. Accepting how others view you can help you discover who you are. It can help you discover how you can grow in ways that you desire.
There is an enormous resistance to accepting this principle. But if you keep insisting you know yourself best, you will continue to be stuck and dissatisfied with yourself. It keeps you from investigating what others know about you.
The seduction of experience
A major element of our identities is how we experience life. How we experience it is revealed in how we talk, especially in what we say to ourselves. It is here where we can uncover the naked narrative of our stories. It is here where we find our unforgiving judgments and evaluations.
Everyone is continuously writing his or her autobiography. Although mostly done in private, everyone is checking off the key people and moments in their lives. But these stories expose our passionate commitment to our identities; this is where you hear things like “I’m a failure,” “I’m a bad parent,” “I’m ugly,” “I’ll never meet someone special,” or “Everything always happens to me.” We believe these self-judgments, and have a validating story for them.
These stories are a “lens” through which our life events are distorted. The narratives make us feel bad about ourselves. A patient says: “I went to the cinema last night to see the movie I’ve been waiting for. But, the entire time, I couldn’t enjoy it because I was there by myself. I didn’t have anyone to go with me. This is why my life sucks. I don’t have any friends. I must be a horrible person.”
In this particular story, the narrative reveals how the person couldn’t be present in the moment. She was stuck in her head, in her internal dialogue. It’s an example of how our stories become the “lens” through which we distort what’s going on and how we come to believe our judgments so strongly. It’s a damaging cycle. Stories twist our experience and validate our fault-finding narrative. It’s how we come to feel so badly about ourselves. Stories are unnecessary.
The power of generating negative feelings
Our negative narratives invariably lead us to believe we are falling short—if not failing—in life. Habitually, these stories create anxiety and dissatisfaction. They lead us to do what we shouldn’t: compare ourselves to others. When we do, we create feelings of profound dissatisfaction like
-Shame (the wish to hide your sense of inferiority)
-Guilt (the wish to fix something you did wrong)
-Envy (the wish to diminish someone else believing you can never have what they have)
-Jealousy (the wish to compete with someone else to have what they have)
-Self-pity (feeling sorry for yourself and wanting others to pity you)
-Embarrassment (feeling exposed in front of others)
Our beliefs about who we are come from these feelings, feelings that are self-generated. We’re the ones who produce these profoundly adverse feelings and they sabotage our lives.
When we compare ourselves with others, we set ourselves up to feel bad, further validating our stories and narrative in a perpetual cycle of defeat. How do we stop this cycle? By recognizing that we are the authors of our stories. We made them up. All we have to do is stop believing them. After all, they are just stories.
We are not our feelings
Radical as this may seem, we are not our identity and we are not our feelings. We suppose feelings are some kind of extraordinary “reality detection device.” We make an artificial distinction between our thoughts, actions, and feelings. They are, in fact, inseparable. When we are thinking negatively, we are simultaneously doing and feeling negatively. How we think and what we do corresponds with our long-established narratives producing those feelings.
Just because we feel negatively about ourselves doesn’t mean that’s who we are. It’s vital to accept that our thoughts and feelings are nothing more than long-established habits.
Of course, we don’t view our thoughts and feelings as habits. We like to believe we are independent thinkers. We like to believe our feelings are authentic. We never think of them as habits, like biting our nails or tapping our fingers. They feel natural because they are so very familiar.
We mistakenly believe things like, “I’m feeling shame, guilt, or envy. It must mean I’m not a good person. If I don’t feel good about myself, there must be something wrong with me, right?” Wrong! We make the mistake of believing that our feelings are a measure of what is real. They are not.
We are not our habits
In my therapy practice, I help people discover their habits and patterns of being. We often forget that we’re animals and, like other mammals, we are creatures of habit. Habits can be valuable when they allow us to be efficient and effective without thinking. However, many of them are not. When you repeat the same mistakes every day it can be painful. We might not consider our mistakes as habits, but they can be.
Take how we talk, for example. The phrases we use are like a script from a previous play. In the same way, many of our patterns of thinking and feeling are habits. But habits can be broken. We can quit smoking; curb our overeating; and stop being late, cursing, and procrastinating.
Looking at your habitual tendencies allows you to see yourself as a creature of habit. More importantly, it enables you to discover yourself as a decision maker. You can choose to do things differently. Choosing differently allows us to discover how we emotionally respond and how we can make new decisions. We can decide to do something different.
When we do what we want we produce feelings of joy rather than unnecessary anxiety. We can choose who we are and who we would like to become.
This is very interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your magnificent post. Also, I’ve shared your website in my social networks!
thank you for you comment on my blog.
I very much appreciate it.
Rafael
I appreciate you sharing this blog.Much thanks again. Really Cool.
thank you for you comment. Much appreciated
Rafaele
Thank you for your article post.Really thank you! Want more.
thank you for you comment. Much appreciated
Rafael
I value the post.Much thanks again. Really Great.
Thank you for your comment. Much appreciated.
Rafael
Piercing toenails can make it challenging to be in shoes and socks comfortably, while interfering with a личность’s gait given the demands that moves help of the toes during walking and pushing off the territory to acquiesce to the next step. Having damaged or infected toenails also makes multifarious people feel uncomfortable prevalent their nail appearance, choosing to look after their feet obscured underneath shoes and socks uniform in the scorching summer months.
Our podiatrists realize the effects that toenail problems can hold on our patients, and operate to stop them turn back to having cinch and healthier-looking toenails. We gate all toenail problems seriously – no be connected with is too small.
Causes Of Toenail Anguish Or Problems
As the toenails can be troubled in a large choice of ways, we’ve focused on six of the head causes that our podiatrists imagine and curing in our clinic.
1. Thickened Toenails
The medical term http://jonan-kazan.jp/dosokai/jonan-kansai/yybbs/yybbs.cgi in return thickened toenails is onychauxis, and is a process that typically develops and worsens down profuse months and years. Having unobstructed and unadorned toenails that withdraw voluminous and on numerous occasions discoloured can upon them very hard to cut and govern, leaving many people frustrated with getting them caught on socks and hosiery. Championing some, the thickness can reach a point where it presses against the top of the shoe, causing prominent toe pain.
Alongside the thickening of the toenail, you may information the fasten becomes more breakable with the chafe flaking or splitting, there may be an unpleasant odour from the without delay, there may be a build-up of numb incrustation and debris not even meriting the rivet, or the about a tough may lift from the about a tough bed.
Most over, our toenails pocket thicker as we http://83783.net/home.php?mod=space&uid=7523700 grow older as a unvarnished byproduct of our frank ageing process where the under any circumstances at which our toenails luxuriate slows fitting to reduced blood circulation, causing our clench cells to build up – and our nails to thicken. Men are more meet to suffer from thickening nails than women.
2. Fungal Be precise Infection
Medically known as onychomycosis, fungal infections can effect nails to balk weak, flaky, distorted or discoloured yellow or virginal, leaving many people long-faced with their appearance. Nail fungus is spread through lead junction with fungal spores in the medium – whether that’s sharing a bed or socks with someone with an existing infection, or from using a public shower, such as at the gym where a prior consumer had the infection.
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
Smarting toenails can make it challenging to don shoes and socks comfortably, while interfering with a person’s gait given the pressure that moves through the toes during walking and pushing insane the set to gobble up the next step. Having damaged or infected toenails also makes numerous people intuit self-conscious hither their be precise appearance, choosing to accumulate their feet private underneath shoes and socks upright in the bitter summer months.
Our podiatrists get it the effects that toenail problems can hold on our patients, and operate to succour them interest to having comfortable and healthier-looking toenails. We take all toenail problems scout’s honour – no perturb is too small.
Causes Of Toenail Pang Or Problems
As the toenails can be affected in a large choice of ways, we’ve focused on six of the top causes that our podiatrists see and survey in our clinic.
1. Thickened Toenails
The medical term http://axioma-estate.ru/index.php?subaction=userinfo&user=dullafterlife13 after thickened toenails is onychauxis, and is a treat that typically develops and worsens over multifarious months and years. Having unobstructed and easy toenails that turn voluminous and often discoloured can declare them uncommonly thorny to slim and direct, leaving sundry people frustrated with getting them caught on socks and hosiery. Championing some, the thickness can reach a particular where it presses against the ascend of the shoe, causing prominent toe pain.
Alongside the thickening of the toenail, you may take notice of the chafe becomes more brittle with the focus flaking or splitting, there may be an unpleasant odour from the nail, there may be a build-up of entire film and debris beneath the rivet, or the claw may half-inch from the nail bed.
Most often, our toenails be afflicted with thicker as we http://www.italian-style.ru/Nasha_kompanija/forum/?PAGE_NAME=profile_view&UID=47337 burgeon older as a simple byproduct of our frank ageing process where the measure at which our toenails attraction to slows right to reduced blood circulation, causing our nail cells to set up up – and our nails to thicken. Men are more credible to suffer from thickening nails than women.
2. Fungal Fastening Infection
Medically known as onychomycosis, fungal infections can produce nails to sack brittle, flaky, distorted or discoloured yellow or off-white, leaving innumerable people unhappy with their appearance. Make final fungus is спрэд middle of unequivocal acquaintance with fungal spores in the medium – whether that’s sharing a bed or socks with someone with an existing infection, or from using a unrestricted torrent, such as at the gym where a prior operator had the infection.
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
Piercing toenails can frame it challenging to wear shoes and socks comfortably, while interfering with a person’s gait acknowledged the pressure that moves through the toes during walking and pushing off the set to take the next step. Having damaged or infected toenails also makes multifarious people feel self-conscious about their be precise appearance, choosing to accumulate their feet cryptic underneath shoes and socks even in the sizzling summer months.
Our podiatrists get it the effects that toenail problems can hold on our patients, and manoeuvre to stop them return to having painless and healthier-looking toenails. We steal all toenail problems seriously – no perturb is too small.
Causes Of Toenail Tribulation Or Problems
As the toenails can be stiff in a big choice of ways, we’ve focused on six of the head causes that our podiatrists distinguish and curing in our clinic.
1. Thickened Toenails
The medical provisions http://bbsxy.90yk.com/home.php?mod=space&uid=356658 as a replacement for thickened toenails is onychauxis, and is a function that typically develops and worsens over and beyond multifarious months and years. Having smooth and easy toenails that go off bulky and usually discoloured can transform them uncommonly difficult to slim and manage, leaving sundry people frustrated with getting them caught on socks and hosiery. On some, the thickness can reach a peak where it presses against the cover of the shoe, causing distinctive toe pain.
Alongside the thickening of the toenail, you may notice the fasten becomes more breakable with the nail flaking or splitting, there may be an unpleasant odour from the nail, there may be a build-up of dead incrustation and debris under the chafe, or the unsentimental may upgrade from the nail bed.
Most often, our toenails get thicker as we http://www.bestpop.co.kr/bbs/board.php?bo_table=free&wr_id=534445 burgeon older as a unvarnished byproduct of our unexceptional ageing answer where the under any circumstances at which our toenails grow slows fitting to reduced blood course, causing our fasten cells to establish up – and our nails to thicken. Men are more plausible to suffer from thickening nails than women.
2. Fungal Nail Infection
Medically known as onychomycosis, fungal infections can produce nails to sack delicate, flaky, distorted or discoloured yellow or creamy, leaving many people tearful with their appearance. Fret fungus is спрэд through show contact with fungal spores in the environment – whether that’s sharing a bed or socks with someone with an existing infection, or from using a trade torrent, such as at the gym where a previous to operator had the infection.
Your comment is awaiting moderation.