call now
718-541-5033

Living, Growing & Developing

Schedule An Appointment
Why Shop for a Therapist? Questions to ask before deciding on a therapist
July 19,2019 by

When it’s time to find a psychotherapist, making certain that you find a good fit is essential. That’s why it’s good to shop.  

Here are things to consider.

That their office is convenient, or they have impressive credentials are not good reasons.

Ask people you trust who are in therapy for referrals from their therapist. Their therapist may have good recommendations. This is not always the case, which is why it’s important to shop.

I remember my first experiences as a patient in therapy. I was in college aspiring to be a psychologist, maybe even a therapist. My first therapist was highly recommended.

The therapist had a stunning office in his apartment. He was young, handsome and obviously successful. He was what I wanted to be. I never felt comfortable talking to him. Everything about the him and his office was intimidating.  I could never be open with him.

My second therapist, was just the opposite. His office was professional but not pretentious. And he was as ordinary as could be. I felt comfortable with him, not at all embarrass to share my personal thoughts and feelings. That’s what you need, someone you can work with because therapy is emotional work.

The most important thing about psychotherapy is having an excellent patient-therapist relationship. That’s why it good to shop. Talk to a few therapists to see if you can find someone you feel you can work with.

Here’s a few suggestions:

When therapist shopping, be as open as possible about why you are considering therapy. How the therapist responds will be your best indication as to whether they can help you.

It’s not about liking the therapist. You may not like it that they ask challenging, or personal questions. It’s about whether you think s/he can help you.  

Effective therapy is not about making you feel good, nor about solving your problems. It is about helping you address the issues in your life, and how you deal with your emotions. Someone who will attempt to solve your problems and make you feel good is likely to create dependency problems for you. That’s not good therapy.

Thoughts to consider. How did it feel speaking with the therapist? Did you feel sufficiently comfortable enough to speak openly? Did they appear down to earth. You don’t want a therapist who seems aloof, distant or makes you feel like they know it all. These are not for you.

Be prepared to ask the therapist questions.

Here’s a few possible questions you may consider asking. You don’t have to ask them all.

Ask if the therapist believes s/he can help you, and how. You don’t want a therapist who tries to sell themselves. You want someone who will tell you about their approach and why they think it can help you. You don’t want or need an academic theoretical presentation.

A good therapist can explain how they can help, what their approach is and how it can help. If it doesn’t make sense to you, keep shopping. Don’t worry about hurting their feelings. If that’s one of your concerns, ask the therapist for help.

I, professionally speaking, don’t believe the gender of the therapist makes much of a difference. However, if you have strong feelings about it; share them with the therapist. How they respond will tell you what you need to know about choosing them or not.

It’s okay to ask them about their training and experience. Don’t expect a resume. You just want to make sure they were professionally trained. Experience is important.

Does the therapist participate in peer counseling? It is important that they do. Every therapist needs a place where they can review their cases with their colleagues, to get suggestions, learn how others approach similar issues and avoid unnecessary blind spots. No therapist works well with everybody.

After sharing why you’re looking for therapy you can ask what might the therapist find challenging about trying to helping you. How responsive and open the therapist is may indicate if you will have the necessary give and take between you that’s required.

All therapist makes errors from time to time. Hopefully not major ones, but at times s/he might  say something that hurt your feelings, or say something offensive. It’s important that they can hear your feedback and admit their errors to you. 
I hope this is helpful. Good luck in your search.

Comments

  3. click here says:

    Good web site! I really love how it is simple on my eyes and the data are well written. I’m wondering how I could be notified when a new post has been made. I have subscribed to your RSS which must do the trick! Have a great day!

    Reply
    1. Rafael Mendez says:

      Thank you for commenting on my blog. Very much appreciated.
      There are many web-designers online and many do it yourself sites.
      good luck
      Rafael

      Reply
  6. Iniettabili Steroidi Anabolizzanti in Vendita says:

    What i don’t realize is if truth be told how you’re not actually a lot more neatly-liked than you might be now. You are so intelligent. You know thus considerably on the subject of this topic, produced me in my opinion believe it from a lot of numerous angles. Its like men and women are not fascinated unless it?¦s something to do with Woman gaga! Your individual stuffs great. Always deal with it up!

    Reply
  16. posts says:

    Just want to say your article is as amazing. The clearness in your post is just spectacular and i could assume you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please keep up the enjoyable work.

    Reply
  17. Click Here says:

    Hi there very nice website!! Man .. Beautiful .. Superb .. I will bookmark your website and take the feeds additionally?KI am happy to search out a lot of useful information right here in the submit, we’d like work out more techniques on this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .

    Reply
    1. Rafael Mendez says:

      thanks for your comment…sorry I am not aware of such discussion boards.
      Try the American Psychological Association
      Rafael

      Reply
    2. Rafael Mendez says:

      thanks for your comment…sorry I am not aware of such discussion boards.
      Try the American Psychological Association
      Rafael

      Reply
  21. ClaudieWHotz says:

    Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with some pics to drive the message home a bit, but instead of that, this is magnificent blog. An excellent read. I will definitely be back.

    Reply
    1. Rafael Mendez says:

      thank you for your comments, much appreciated.
      If you’re looking for a therapist, I do sessions via Skype or Zoom.
      Rafael

      Reply
    1. Rafael Mendez says:

      Si está interesado en programar un cita, por favor llámeme. mi número esta en el sitio web. 718 541 5033
      Gracias

      Reply

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Send a Message









Blog

October 09,2023 by Rafael Mendez
How We Remember is a Story

One of the ways​ humanity makes meaning is ​​through stories​ and storytelling. Stories and storytelling is fundamental to the human experience. How we...

More Info
August 23,2023 by Rafael Mendez
The paradox of Intimacy and sex for couples in long-term relationships

It is not uncommon for loving relationships to have infrequent or no sex. The paradox leaves couples perplexed. They say,...

More Info
July 19,2023 by Rafael Mendez
Change how you “see” and you can change everything

Not everyone, but many people feel inadequate. I know this feeling well. Growing up, I was always related to as...

More Info